These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
