I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
