Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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