i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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