Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
cat food counts as protein by the way
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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