Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
