Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
