dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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