i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I need to sanitize my soul.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
