I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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