She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
