she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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