i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You should frame my arrest warrant.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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