"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
