she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Randomize
