Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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