i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
