so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
