hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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