thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
