i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Dicks are not precious.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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