I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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