My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
