know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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