I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
