I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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