I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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