God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I checked into jail on foursquare
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
