You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
