I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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