were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
