Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
