You really coming over, don't trick.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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