hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
