Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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