oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
