just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
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