Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
