Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
