it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
