Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
