I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
