I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
