how can u be prego again
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He passed out mid-signature
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
