so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
