"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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