dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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