yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
