I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
