Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
