I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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