I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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